'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
