Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
