i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
