i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
