If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
