I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
