I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
