We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
