brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
