Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
