I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
