i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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