It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The Olympian is in my bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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