history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
