I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
