So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
