We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
