You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
