Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
