Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
