Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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