New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
