Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
