True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
