yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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