So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mom said you looked used
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
