I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
