Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
