Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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