I bet he comes in French.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think i got beer on your cat.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
