Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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