I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
