I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
