i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
