I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
