she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
