recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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