It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
