There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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