then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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