It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
