I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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