he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
