I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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