i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
