Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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