Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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