your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
