i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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