Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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