What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
