booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
