and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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