so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
